Life  Goes On
by xxx-bundythebear-xxx
Summary: Ziva loves Tony, Tony loves Ziva. So why aren't they together? Why does life have to work this way? Based on Dean Geyer's "We Share the Same Space".
1. Life is Jealousy

**Hi all! So I'm back again. Those who have followed this story before know this, but just to recap. I have written this story before, and got in 7 chapters. However, while I was writing this I was going through my final year at school. Now I have taken my final exams, I wanted to fix up the story, as it was good but I knew I could make it better. So I'm re editing and re uploading it. Here's the deal. One chapter every day for seven days until all the chapters are re uploaded, then one every two days until the story's completion. Once again I apologse for any inconvienence to my long time readers who have inspired me to take this from an original one shot based off a song into an entire story. Thank you all so much!**

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><p>Ziva absentmindedly gazed out the large glass window near her desk, becoming entranced by the sound of heavy rain falling steadily outside. Usually she was a very efficient woman, flowing through the paperwork she despised, but today she could not keep her mind on the job.<p>

Her eyes unfocussed as she considered all that had happened to her in the past few years. She had changed. That had to be said. But not in all ways; she had broken up with Ray after all. That trust of loving someone doesn't come back easily, if she'd ever had it to begin with.

_Tony._ She thought. If she had some kind of strength she would have told him how she felt years ago. And now it was too late... _EJ._ The name came to her with disgust. Tony would violate Gibbs' rules for _her_, but not the woman he had risked his life for; crossed oceans for; and "couldn't live without" to quote Tony himself.

Not for Ziva.

Maybe it wasn't only her that had become weak. Both of them knew what they meant to each other, but neither could bring themselves to take that final leap of faith.

"Penny for your thoughts?" A smooth voice interrupted her feeling-sorry-for-herself moment. She glanced away from the window. Tony's clam honeydew eyes stared directly into Ziva's warm caramel pair, sending a silent message of concern to her. He leant on her desk, his face resting in the palm of his hand.

Hurriedly, Ziva's mind raced to find another topic, other than her apparent dislike of EJ and love of Tony. "Uhhh... Why are my thoughts only worth a penny?"

"Ziva, it's just a saying. But you're right. I'd pay a thousand dollars just to hear one of yours." He said sincerely.

"Um- I can- uh- tell you my thoughts on the case for free..." She stuttered, thrown by his intense intimate stare.

"Alright, shoot." He relented.

"Tony, could I speak to you regarding the Port to Port killer case please?" EJ's eyes were a mixture of fire and ice, as her blonde head appeared over the cubicle wall.

"Uh, of course Special Agent Barrett. I'll be right back Ziva, hold those thoughts."

She nodded curtly; the game was no fun anymore. Once the two had left the bullpen, she walked over to the cold glass that had helped her to ponder this very situation moments ago and rested her head against it. She watched the raindrops patter against the glass. One small tear travelled down her cheek, much the same as the raindrops on the other side of the glass, before she wiped it away and returned to business.

Gibbs strode in, Starbucks coffee in hand. "Whaddiya got Ziver?"

Life goes on. They were forced to walk away from each other, time and time again, because of the lack of communication. She looked up at Gibbs and resumed her job.

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><p>"You love her." EJ's quiet voice bounced off the shower room walls, the statement seemed obvious to her.<p>

"What?" Tony was taken aback.

"You love her. Ziva." She repeated, stronger this time. He opened his mouth. "No, please, don't bother." She sighed.

"It's obvious to the whole god damn NCIS. I don't know if you or she sees it yet, but one day you both will." She took a breath. "Tony, we can't keep doing this. It's fun, but it's not love. You know it, and I know it. We both deserve to find love, and yours is staring at you in the face every day."

"Does that mean-"

"Yes, Tony. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. Really. But I do want you to remember, I do care about you EJ."

She nodded and embraced him, then walked away. Tony felt empty. EJ was right. But that didn't make it any easier. He loved Ziva, but she didn't love him. He risked his life for her; crossed oceans for her, and definitely couldn't live without her. And then she chose CIRay.

Lifting him out of his melancholy state was the intrudingly loud ring of his phone.

"DiNozzo."

"Gear up. Need you to come to Quantico, DiNozzo."

"On your six boss." He snapped his phone shut and sighed, biting his lip in thought.

Life goes on. So does the job.


	2. Life is Fear

**Hey all! I hope you enjoy the revised second chapter of Life Goes On; Life is Fear. Thank you all so much, and please leave a review if you have the time. It's the only way I can improve as an author!**

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><p>That night had been one of Tony's longest and most painful nights spent awake in a long time. This was particularly evident the next morning, when he struggled into the bullpen, eyes bloodshot, and laid his head on the desk, which was piled with untouched paperwork from the last case.<p>

"You look like hell DiNozzo." Gibbs' gruff voice pounded through Tony's throbbing head.

"Mbfffuuhhh..." Tony mumbled to a face full of paper.

A delicate voice broke through the usual silence of NCIS at 7 in the morning. "Tony?"

"Yes Ziva. I'm fine, I'm great. Just look at me; I'm the happiest person in the world!" His sarcasm did not go unnoticed.

She looked startled by his harsh tone. "Sorry." She glanced away.

Tony felt horrible; he shouldn't have said that to her, really, she had just wanted to help. But what Ziva couldn't understand, and never would, was that it was not his break up with EJ that was causing him this innate amount of pain, but Ziva herself. He had spent the entire night attempting to work out how to tell her how he felt, stooping to the all time low that DiNozzos should never stoop to: talking to himself in the mirror. But nothing worked. He had to face the plain truth that was staring him in the face.

She. Was. Not. Interested.

Ziva watched this internal struggle with only minimal interest. Her heart went out to Tony, obviously something was wrong, but she just could not bring herself to sympathise completely. She feared, if she did, she would end up letting herself love him completely and irrevocably, in a way she had never loved before. This terrified her utterly because of two reasons.

One. Every time she tries to love someone, connect, someone, somewhere in the universe says, "Opps, Ziva's happy, better crush it!" and she ends up right where she began. But the other reason scared her even more.

Tony DiNozzo. Love her? There was no way. What did she have to offer him? She is broken, "damaged goods". Way too damaged for Tony DiNozzo. The man for which the word "commitment" struck cold fear in his soul.

While all this was going on, the bullpen had grown into a hub of activity, co workers arriving in all directions. Gibbs' phone cut through the chatter, inevitably signalling more work.

"Gibbs... Yeah, okay... Be there in fifteen." His phone snapped shut. "Gear up, David, DiNozzo." He flicked Ziva the keys to the Sudan. "Question the sister again. She called the victim on the night of the murder from a burn phone. Abby just traced it to Cartwright."

"Boss, really, shouldn't I drive? I really would like to live!" Tony exclaimed, despite his inability to keep his mind focussed.

"In your condition, Tony, I think you'd have a better chance with my driving." Ziva's mock vindicative streak came out.

"Well, you'd feel the same way I do if you'd spent the night-" He broke off, remembering that the gorgeous woman in front of his was the source of his pain.

"I you'd spent the night what?" She asked as she jabbed the button on t he panel next to the elevator.

The elevator dinged, and opened for their entrance. "Just get in." He said tiredly.

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><p>"Melissa Cartwright?"<p>

"Agent David, DiNozzo, come in!" Melissa smiled. "I've just been reading my new crime novel." She held up a shiny new thick book. _Tommy and Lisa: Opposing Perspectives_. "It's by Thom E Gemcity, have you heard of him? It's amazing! But in this one, Tommy and Lisa just can't seem to see that they are in love!"

"McDead wrote a new book?" Tony muttered at the same time as Ziva spat "Why does she have to read crime?", all the while refusing to look at each other.

"Uh, Ms Cartwright, if you could just answer a few questions for us, we can let you get back to your book ASAP." Tony attempted to remain professional, while keeping his eyes firmly on the suspect directly in front of him.

"Of course." She motioned for them to sit on her leather lounge chair. As Ziva passed her, Melissa grabbed her arm. "But you know, that Lisa, she's just such a sweetie, and has been through so much, I just wish Tommy would take his head out of his butt and do SOMETHING! He is so obviously in love with her!"

Ziva stood in shock; not sure how to reply. Eventually, she managed, "It's just a novel, complete fiction."

"Oh, but I feel as if the writer knew two people like this, it's so realistic!"

Ziva blushed. "Uh, Ms Cartwright, could you verify your whereabouts on Friday the seventeenth of March?"

As Ziva conducted the interview, Tony's mind wandered. Could a suspect be right about his love life? Could Ziva be interested?

No, as Ziva had stressed, it is just a piece of McTrash fiction. No way.

"Thank you for your time." Ziva stood up, and they exited the large Victorian style house.

She stared at Tony as the pair threw their equipment into the car and sat inside.

"What?" His temper was still short.

Ziva ran her hands along the steering wheel as she answered thoughtfully. "You seem, uh, angry. Have I done something?"

"No, no, Ziva. I just need some sleep."

"Alright." She conceded suspiciously. She still didn't believe that, but he had made it clear that she wouldn't get anymore out of him.

They drove along in silence, until Tony threw a curveball. "Ziva?"

"Yes tony?"

"Don you believe in soul mates?" He said this extremely quietly, knowing what he was asking.

She was still frustrated with him from their previous conversation. "Sing a few bars, I'll get it."

"Oh come on. Don't bring up the undercover assignment..."

"Was that what you thought I was talking about?"

"Wasn't it? Look, I wanted a serious answer, I'm sorry, I take it back." He instantly regretted opening that particular can of worms. A cold silence occurred.

After several minutes of this, Ziva whispered, "Yes."

Tony stiffened, he wasn't sure if she had intended to tell him that.

"Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"You think Melissa Cartwright was involved?"

He decided she hadn't meant for him to hear.

"Dunno, but she's a smart woman. She could have been." He answered absently, still considering whether Ziva believe her boyfriend, or ex boyfriend, or whatever Ray was, to be her soul mate.

_His racing mind didn't stop to consider that Ziva thought her soul mate to be Tony. But that was the truth. Ziva just didn't think that Tony wanted her. That's the problem with soul mates; they think the same way, move the same way, act the same way. Both shied from not only the prospect of being together, but also the rejection of unrequited love._

_C'est la vie._


End file.
